I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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