Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
