well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
