So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
