This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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