i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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