I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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