Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
