I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
