I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
