He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
