so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
