break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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