Moan for me like Helen Keller
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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