The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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