i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
