I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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