Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
