I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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