I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just puked most of my soul out..
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