His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
