I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
