You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
