My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
