god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
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I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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