please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
