Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
