so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
