happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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