You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
