Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
