so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
