no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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