But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
