So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
