We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
