just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
