He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
