ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize