she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you win again, gameday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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