You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
