my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
