He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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