It's like God shit irony all over that family
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
