also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
