'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I need to stop coming to work sober
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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