I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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