I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
