So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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