my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
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Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
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ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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