Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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