Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm both gender and math confused
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
