hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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