Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
