he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
