Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
