YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
