i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
