This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
