like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
