I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
