Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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