Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
