In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
